Why?

I often get asked what makes me know for sure that God it there. Most of the time, I just answer with, "well I have faith in him.". Other times, I stop and really think about it. Why do I believe that God is really there?

I grew up in a Christian home, so there was no doubt that I would be the kind of girl who went to church EVERY Sunday, but even when I was little, I NEVER wanted to go to Sunday school. Why? Because I thought that the people there had a better relationship with him than I did. I thought I wasn't, "good enough." So I stuck to my mom's side from the time I was in third grade-fifth grade. It wasn't until sixth grade when my mom put her foot down and said that I was going to go to Sunday school and youth group. Youth group sounded pretty exciting at the time. It made me feel "grown up".

I remember the first Wednesday my brother and I walked in, I never left his side.(I still don't.) Our youth seemed so cool. The high school youth pastor at the time greeted us at soon as he realized we were new. I took youth group as a fresh start to the my walk with Christ. I signed up to sing on the youth praise team, and that was the best thing ever. I made my first two friends, Haley and Kelsie, who were both a year older than me. They were both big Christians, so I looked up to them. That November, we had this thing called Disciple Now, and Haley, Caleb(yes, Bryant), and we stuck to each other like glue. WE had a blast, and I was able to realize what I needed to do to have a close relationship with Christ. I finally got the guts to stand up in front of a crowd and raise my hand on and praise and worship. I felt a sense of accomplishment that weekend. I felt like no one was judging me, and I didn't have to worry about anything.

Our pastor always talks about how when you leave a church retreat, you get back to school or work, and you get hit in the face by a brick wall.  You don't have 24 hours out of everyday to focus only on God, and you don't get to hear two sermons and two worship services everyday. EVERY TIME I leave a youth retreat, that's what always ends up happening. Of course, I'm definitely not the only one that has that happen to them. A lot of us find ourselves having a closer relationship with God when we're singing about his glory and his love. Being a singer/musician, that's the way I cope with everyday things; singing. When I get home, my best way of relaxing is coming home and listening to music. So that's my way of finding comfort with God.

At the end of my sixth grade year, we had a retreat called Beach Week. *best week of my life* I was SO excited to go on this trip. That Monday we left and I could barely hold in my excitement. As soon as we got there, we unpacked and got settled in and it was just.. amazing! The first night, my friends and I could not sleep we were so excited. The next day kind of, well, like sucked. First, I had a sleep/candy hangover from the night before, and I got "homesick." Yeah, I used to get homesick a lot. Why? I don't know, because I'm a baby. I called my mom do her and I pretty much broke down. Again, I don't know why, but I just did. So that went on until Thursday when my mom made it VERY clear that she wasn't going to come get me. She thought it would be good for me. The previous Wednesday night Jerry, my youth pastor, sat me down and were talk for like, two hours about why I was homesick. I finally came to a conclusion that it wasn't that I missed my mom or my bed or my house, but more because I felt like it didn't fit in. Jerry convinced me that's why, and he kept on asking me WHY I wanted to go home so bad. I didn't have an answer. So there was NO WAY I was going home. I ended up staying, (duh) and enjoying it a lot, because I made two new friends, why I really looked up to, and they're still my friends today. I found out a lot about myself that week.

Up until this year, I've remained that same type of girl. This year, I kind of just lost interest, and made myself think I had better things to do. No matter what I did, I still knew that God was watching me and still loved me at much as he always has. Every person comes to that point in their life where they try their best to "find themselves." All I know is that I just have to try my best to get a better relationship with Christ than I had before.

So the next time someone ask me why I know that God is really there, I'll tell them that whenever I leave his side, he'll never leave mine.